Turns out crime went up in certain important categories like murders. That's not the surprise though. We all know there is an obvious correlation between the state of the economy and the rate of crime. The shock came when Mayor Johnny D Goode told us not to worry because the recent surge in crime was a result of the release of scores of felons over the past year, and that they were only shooting each other. That's a relief.
Police Chief Luck Berry added, "the only difference between a shooting and a murder is how alive the victim is. In one the guy's dead, in the other he's still breathing. What we're trying to do is figure out how to keep 'em breathing."
Here's the full speech:
Good and decent citizens of New Haven, I your dedicated and eternal mayor, John DeStefano, assure you that the crumbling streets of our fair city are safer than ever before (except if you are trying to cross them on foot). The increase in criminal activity over the past year has once again proven my point that when crime goes up in our city it is because of certain nefarious individuals committing bad deeds, and when crime goes down, it is because I did good stuff.
This past year crime has gone up, and it is not a result of my inability to do good stuff, rather, the criminal actions of others were so great as to overpower the good stuff I have done over the past 12 months as mayor.
Rest assured, that any gunfire you might hear is simply criminals shooting each other. To the best of our knowledge there is no credible evidence to suggest that criminals would ever target non-criminals. Thank you, and always remember, vote Destefano.
1 comment:
I can't believe the mayor would say such things about this glorious city! why doesn't he just change the name to New Waterbury or New Bridgeport while he's at it?
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